


I Don’t Care (If I Never Get Over You)

by zeldadestry



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-12
Updated: 2011-05-12
Packaged: 2017-10-19 08:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/198797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeldadestry/pseuds/zeldadestry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah, it’s true, Clark would rather be in a universe where Lex hates him and is constantly trying to destroy him than in one where they’re strangers to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don’t Care (If I Never Get Over You)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for scribblinlenore's 'Smallville Nostalgia Challenge' at http://scribblinlenore.livejournal.com/555521.html
> 
> Title is from listening to the Josh Xantus song, the lyric is originally from 100 Proof (Aged in Soul).

In this universe, Clark is thirty when he realizes that what happens when he lies down, relaxes his body, breathes deeply, and closes his eyes, is not sleep, and that the visions he lives through in that state are not dreams.

There are no bounds to his consciousness. This universe, and all others, regardless of time and place, are open to him, and he travels between them as easily as walking down an unending hallway and turning the knob on any one of the infinite doors he passes.

There is a universe where Lex can never die, there must be, for Clark lives in a universe where he himself can not, and it hurts him to know how lonely that other Lex must be, trapped in that universe where Clark is gone, just as Clark must keep living, day after day, in his own universe without Lex.

“But it isn’t real, Clark,” Lana says.

Clark frowns. “In most universes I visit,” he says, “your parents are alive.”

Lana looks like she wants to hit him. “That is so unfair,” she says.

Clark only shrugs. He knows if she could do what he can, she would.

Chloe feels the same way Lana does, and she’s even stronger about her disapproval. “You’re wasting your life on a fantasy, you get that, right? I mean, Clark, come on, you know how much I love you, but this is fucked up. You spend half your time now unavailable, and there are so many people here who need your help.”

“There’s a universe,” Clark says, “where you keep me prisoner, locked up in a room lined with Kryptonite, and treat me like your pet. You even have a leash for when you walk me.”

Chloe flinches and looks away, but it only takes her a moment to regain composure. “Yeah, only one? I’d say I’m doing pretty well, then. How many hundreds of universes are there where it’s Lex who has you under his thumb?”

Clark smirks. “He does a lot worse to me than that.”

Chloe’s eyes brighten, as they always do when she comes to a realization, no matter how distressing the truth. “And you like it,” she says. “God, you’re such a masochist!”

He grabs for her hand, needing her to understand. “No,” he grits out.

“No?” She sits down beside him on the couch, drapes an arm over his shoulders. “No to what, Clark?”

“That isn’t why. I mean, look, even a universe where you keep me collared isn’t as bad as the ones where you’re gone.”

“Gone? You mean-”

“Yeah, dead.” He thought it would hurt more, to admit it, but somehow it’s a relief.

“Oh,” Chloe says, and drops her head to his shoulder. “I get it, I do.”

Even the universes where Lex considers him an enemy are better than the one Clark stumbled upon where Lex just stared at him, no emotion, completely unmoved, and said, “Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my office?”

Yeah, it’s true, Clark would rather be in a universe where Lex hates him and is constantly trying to destroy him than in one where they’re strangers to each other. He can’t not care about Lex, if caring means having feelings, regardless of what those feelings are. Tenderness, dismay, fury, horror, he’s known them all, but never without a cord of need stretched taut between him and Lex.

“Will you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“What happened in the universe you’re from, what happened to us?”

This is just a room, Clark thinks, just a room with a bed. All I know of this world is that we’re near water, because I can hear the waves, and see the beach from the windows, but I have no idea about anything else and it doesn’t matter. “We’re here now. Don’t worry about the rest of it.”

“But I want to know.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s obviously bad there, or you wouldn’t keep running away from it.”

“It was good, once.”

“Is it my fault that it’s not anymore?”

“It’s no one’s fault, Lex.”

“Do I hurt you?”

“No.” Lex watches him closely, but that’s alright, it’s not a lie and Clark has nothing to hide.

“Do I hurt myself?”

Clark wishes he’d asked any question but that. “Not anymore.”

“Oh.” Lex closes his eyes. “I killed myself, didn’t I?” He doesn’t wait for the answer he knows Clark will never give. “It’s ok. I’m not - it’s not a surprise. I’ve thought about it. I think about it. I guess in your world I just took it further than that.”

Lex sounds defeated and Clark can’t stand that, he never could. “No, Lex, listen, there are so many other ways it goes, you have no idea how many different yous and mes there are. There’s a universe where you’re the lead singer in an anarchist punk band and you strut around the stage, and our apartment, you drive me fucking crazy, in nothing but a black pair of pleather pants.”

“Pleather?”

“You’re a vegan, so you would never wear real leather.”

“You just made that up.”

“I didn’t, I swear.”

“Yeah, yeah, tell me another.”

“You, Lana, and I are all married to each other and we sail around the French Riviera on our yacht?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m serious! How about the one where you’ve cloned yourself twice and all three of you share me? Oh, and you and your clones communicate telepathically with each other and it really pisses me off sometimes because it’s like you’re constantly keeping secrets from me. On the other hand, since you’re all psychically linked, any time I get one of you off, you all get off, so that’s kinda cool.”

“Do I clone myself often?”

“No, usually you clone me.”

Lex licks his lips. “Two Clarks for every Lex? I’m a brilliant man.”

“Hey! I can’t believe I forgot. In the punk universe? You’ve got a mohawk.”

“No way. How do I look?”

“Awesome. You always look awesome.”

“You’re hot for me in every single universe?”

“So far. Which is incredibly frustrating when I visit the universe where you’re a monk.”

“I’m sure you could easily tempt me to give up on my vows.”

“Duh, but that seems kind of selfish, doesn’t it? I just keep it in my pants until I get to another universe.”

“Hopefully to one of the ones where I’m a nymphomaniac.”

“Mmmmm, I love those!”

Lex grins the way he used to, when he was happy, and Clark knows it doesn’t matter what anyone says. He’ll never give this up.


End file.
